1. Do not pass go, move back 3 places!
Whether you have loads of time or 5 measly minutes to get into work, is there anything more irritating that someone who blocks the exit barriers by repeatedly touching out with their NOT WORKING oyster card. True… there are times when it’s just a blip of the system and on second touch your through. But I am talking about those serial offenders who stand there like wind-up toys… card, touch reader, ‘oh… not working’, look puzzled, try again….. and again…… and again….
2. I have already read that bit
With a bit of manoeuvring you have managed to safely board the very busy train and are now on your way to work. ‘Yes!’ you think, its only 3 stops, it will be fine. That’s until you get a newspaper in your face.
3. Anyone for a game of musical statues?
Why oh why does anyone think it’s ok to suddenly stop right at the top of the escalators, before getting on, or right at the bottom where everyone is getting off. Common sense should tell you that this is dangerous stuff.
No excuses non-commuters, unless you can tell me that you have never been on an escalator before! Meh…I didn’t think so.
4. Food glorious food
You are packed like a sardine on the tube and something familiar and gross wafts through the air. A wet munch munch sounds turns your stomach as you come face-to-face with a greasy spoon gobbler laden with some sort of ketchup smeared mountain of food. Why you are eating THAT first thing in the morning we will never know!
Everyone leans aways from the offending stink in hope that it won’t stick to their clothes and hair… but… there’s worse danger ahead as the train lurches forwards and someone gets showered with batter balls of grease! A perfect look for this mornings meeting.
5. Bum superglued to the priority seat?
The prickly issue of the priority seat is always a tricky one. There are of course lots of different and sometimes hidden reasons why someone would need THAT seat. However, under no circumstances is it ever cool to race a waddling 8 month pregnant lady to the seat, and then close your eyes to feign sleep. It’s just not funny!
Nor is it kind to watch them hanging from the rail like an over grown berry swinging round in circles.
6. Stop I tell you
The bus is annoyingly running late… but oh yes here it comes now. A small cheer rises through the ranks as we all realise it’s empty…. meaning ‘seats for all!’ Except, the bus doesn’t look like it’s slowing. Arms start frantically waving, and a brave one yelps ‘stoooopppppp’ as it whizzes past, splashing us with puddles as it goes. Fun times.
7. Smells good in here… NOT
It’s been a long day, your frazzled, the train is busy and in pops someone taller than you. You, being much shorter HAVE to hold the handrail pole or else risk toppling over like a skittle. They on the other hand CAN reach the overhead handrail in that giant space over there. Except they don’t. They plumb towards you and neatly fold you under their smelly armpit. Lovely!
8. On your marks, get set…
You are walking down the tube corridors when you feel someone right behind you. No, wait… on the left, now on the right and bam… they race round you knocking your bag off your shoulder and occasionally catapulting you into another commuter. OK, they are obviously in a major hurry you think. Except, what’s that… why are they slowing. They are slowing right in the middle of the walkway, and…… they are now walking at the speed of a snail, blocking everyone’s way.
9. There’s no room at the inn!
The train is packed and no one else can reasonably fit on… but there is always someone who thinks they are the size of a mouse (?!?) and will be able to fit their itty bitty self into the non-existent gap that they -and only they- see. They run towards their fellow commuters like a charging rhino in attempt to wedge themselves in. It doesn’t work.
10. Space invader
You got a seat on the train… you lucky thing. Except just as you thought all was well, an alpha comes and parks their bum in the seat next to you. Wait for it…. Out come the elbows knocking yours off your arm rest and POW – legs spread so wide that you want to ask if they are a gymnast in training?
Sound familiar? What type of thing gets on your nerves the most when travelling?
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