London Underground is packed this morning on the way in to work. Another fault on the line… or so they say. I am on the tube and a man has somehow managed to wedge his wibberly bum on top of my arm.
His entire bot-bot!
No… I am not kidding.
He’s sort of perched there like a wobbly overgrown bird. I am sure if anyone could see they would be rolling around the floor in laughter (haha I know I would be). I am only ALMOST amused though… given that it’s my arm of course.
The trouble with these delightful encounters are that they have a habit of triggering ALL my big what if’s.
What if I told him to shift his big bum…
What if I didn’t have to get the tube in the first place…
What if I had been a stay-at-home parent. Wouldn’t that have been better for Little Button? Que enormous guilt for the rest of the week.
What if I hadn’t gone and got myself ‘a real’ job, and instead pursued my writing ambition. Surely that would have been the answer to all the above!
No big bottoms and no tube journey’s IF I had been a stay-at-home, work-from-home mum, doing what I love best… spending time with Little Button and writing. Sighs…. but it’s just not that simple is it?
I have sat on this post for a few months now. Part of me not sure when and if I should let it go live as it’s a tad revealing… but also because I didn’t want to send my ‘what if’s’ out there to float around with no resolution. All the while, this thought has been stuck in my mind.
Sound familiar? Time to man up I think. So in the end I did what any Button would do. I took control and started to work out how I could action my ‘what if’s’ and put a stop to all the unraveling.
– I wrote them down. This is so simple, but had a huge impact on how I felt about them. Seeing my ‘what if’s’ in black and white somehow uncomplicated them. Give it a go yourself.
– Once untangled from my thoughts and now in an easy to read list, I looked at each one to think about how realistic they were, if they were just pie-in-the-sky, and if there was a way to simplify them to make them achievable.
– Lastly I looked for opportunities to make them happen, because if you don’t take steps to give your ‘what if’s’ a try, they gradually become harder to achieve.
I found that hidden under all the extra stuff my main two ‘what if’s’ are:
– What if I had pursued a career in writing.
– What if I had stayed at home to look after Little Button.
I had somehow squashed these two together into one, then spent the last 3 years getting incredibly cross at myself because if I had done the first, I would have easily been able to do the second.
The first one was pretty easy to action, though whether or not things work out will be another story (or blog post). To be a writer, you need to write… I already do this. Apart from stretching my wordsmith skills and having a place to record our adventures, it turned out that the Buttons blog has recently provided me with some fantastic opportunities to work with some really great brands. I have just signed up to take a course to sharpen and update my copywriting skills and once completed, I am going to take steps to re-launch myself as a freelance copywriter. Woohoo!
The second ‘what if’ is a bit tougher. Little Button is a year away from starting reception now and already has a good routine. I really love my ‘proper’ job, and know that I am lucky to be in the position. Still, I am racked with guilt everyday. Daddy Button and I sat down and worked out that actually… yes… I could stay at home with Little Button, I had just never talked about how I was feeling, or even thought to find out if it was possible. I am sitting on this ‘what if’ at the moment, but now I know that the very real option to actually do this is there, so I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Things are now coming together because I didn’t let my ‘what if’s’ run too far away from me. Have a go and see what you can achieve today.