Help! I can’t make mum friends

May 10, 2017


Don’t worry, you are not alone.

I always coupled being pregnant with sharing bare foot walks in the grass with a gaggle of mum friends. We would sip our iced water whilst sharing tips and swapping scan photos. We would be there for each other through the twists and turns that pregnancy brought.


But there were no mum-to-be friends wanting to be found in the waiting room of my first hospital appointment.


‘Don’t you have any mum friends?’ I remember being asked in passing from friends without children and family. ‘No, no, I don’t’.



Help! I can't make mum friends



There’s a thing isn’t there, an expectation. Once that buns in the oven they say that your sanity can only be saved by other bun hosts. But what if making mum friends isn’t happening for you, or maybe it’s not even your thing?


‘Don’t worry’ they said, you will make lifelong mum friends at your antenatal classes.


Already scared off by stone faced mums at the hospital and mum packs that seemed to move as one, I didn’t feel like putting myself out there anymore. I plumbed for the standard free antenatal classes and came away with some vague acquaintances, but nothing more.


Well, there’s always the birth she said. My lovely mum’s best friend was the very lady she met after having me. They chatted in the postnatal ward over smuggled in Mac Donald’s and KFC. The camaraderie growing strong over the old fashioned week that they had to endure, despite being completely fine and itching to go home with their new baby’s.


In contrast, my postal ward nightmare had me isolated in a so called ‘private room’. No one enter. She doesn’t deserve friends after her c-section.



Friends will always be friends

Now, I’m not trying to give you a bleak outlook. What I’m trying to say is that actually, in the whole grand scheme of things, mum friends don’t always work out and it really doesn’t matter. Patiently ticking along in the background my best (childless) friend was there come rain or shine and that’s what did matter the most. I decided that perhaps it was me that wasn’t quite ready to embrace mum friends at the time, and that was fine.



Then it happened

Without expectation everything clicked. I found my mum friends. Not at my local stay and play, but here in the parenting blogging community. We are a mum tribe. We are there for each other every single day. No question is too silly or gross, and we have so much in common. We speak our own language; that of passionate writers, rhymers, photographers and social media influences. We chose each other.



It will happen for you

It will, honest. Something will click and before you know it, you will have found your mum friends. You might bump into them in the park, whilst out shopping or perhaps you will find them right here.




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16 responses to “Help! I can’t make mum friends”

  1. Yay! I feel the same way – although I have been lucky to meet a few lovely ladies at NCT classes too (and I can’t believe I actually convinced them to befriend me!). But it’s the amazing online mothers that I’ve met that have inspired me to keep up this blogging malarkey and enjoy my maternity leave!

  2. So. So. Beautiful and I feel a bit wibbly after reading. Thank you for being my tribe and one of my most incredible mummy and bloggy rocks. All the hugs xx

  3. RawMum says:

    Oh I just love this. Thank you for sharing #dreamteam

  4. Mrs Lighty says:

    Right that’s it Mrs Button, we need a meet up and fast! I hope that we are definitely mum friends, and we’re not too far away from each other, could we make this happen? xxx

  5. It’s lovely to know I’m not alone here! The Mum’s community I’ve met through blogging has been fabulous!! I’d be lost without them! #ablogginggoodtime

  6. I love this! I’ve found my mum friends invaluable (both online and in real life). I would love a mum blogger meet up though. Do you think people would be up for it? #aBloggingGoodTime

  7. Aleena says:

    I wrote a very similar post a while back. Except I actively shied away from making new mum friends because I didn’t think I needed them. Turns out I was TOTALLY wrong! Thank god for blogging is all I can say! #ablogginggoodtime

  8. Helena says:

    I think I was so focused on having fun with my eldest that when I discovered my mum friends it came as a lovely surprise. #BloggerClubUK

  9. It’s so important to have mom friends. I only wish I’d had then sooner, mine came in the form of NCT and we didn’t become close until after our babies were born. I think I would have really benefited from some mom friends during pregnancy #blogcrush

  10. I truly love this post. I was ‘isloated’ while pregnant with a few vague ex-school friends pregnant at the same time as me but living quite far away. Then I moved a lot. Then I met few acquaintances. Then I moved again. I have never formed a mom-tribe or anything like that. I feel like the odd one out, but it’s a case of circumstances, and not liking others. lol
    Great Post!

  11. I met a lovely bunch of mums at the local under ones baby group and we are such a close knit group now, it’s so important to have close friends who have your back! #ablogginggoodtime

  12. Lux G. says:

    Oh, my. I’ve never thought about these things before. So much to look forward to in life. 😀
    Happy Mother’s Day to all amazing moms here!

  13. I’ve definitely found some good friends from blogging. I also have a couple of close mum friends I met through NCT which is nice. Good luck in the BiBs x #ablogginggoodtime

  14. Lucy At Home says:

    I think it’s really hard to make “mum friends”. I remember my midwife telling me that once I’d had the baby, it would be easy to make friends because children are a great conversation starter. But I didn’t.

    I think the problem these day, is that mums are so busy – we don’t have time to pop around to see our friends because most of us are working. If you’re on maternity leave, the chances are, all your existing friends are still at work. And when you do meet up with other mums, you have a million kids in tow so you never get a chance to talk about anything meaningful (or anything at all) for longer than 30 seconds.

    I’m so glad that you’ve found your little corner, though. Blogging has been great for me in that way too. It wasn’t at all why I started blogging, but it is a very happy and welcome by-product!

    Also, congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #blogcrush linky. Hurray! #blogcrush

  15. It is so true – it is so difficult. I am thankful for my online friends
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime Please join us next week too!

  16. Lisa says:

    Now I realise this is going to sound super sad, but frankly, I don’t care. I have made more friends online since blogging and interact with them a whole lot more often than I do with my ‘real’ friends, whom might I add are no where near as reliable as bloggers. Being a mum to little ones is hard and making those mum friends is even harder. So please you’ve found blogger mums xx

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